23. My own self: maybe (maybe!) I'm just a little hard on me

Ok, so this lesson is not technically one that I've learned from myself.  It has come from others, as they read, observe, watch me, know me, and tell me about me.  But I'll go ahead and take credit for it, because after all, if I wasn't hard on myself, I wouldn't have the lesson to learn.  

Many have expressed that they have enjoyed reading these posts - it's been a humbling and rewarding venture.  But several have told me that it feels in some ways less like 30 days of life lessons, and more like 30 days of my shortcomings.  I dismissed the first person who told me this - she always tells me I'm too hard on myself; I know I'm not.  But within a week, another (unconnected) friend had the identical observation.  Maybe I should listen.  

To me, the reason these qualify as life lessons is that they are things that others do well, which happen to highlight things I don't do all that well. Without sharing my shortcoming, does the lesson not lose impact?  That's how I see it anyway.

This is "Day" 23.  Ok, not really day 23.  It's entry 23.  On day 43.  I was due to finish this project January 31st, but it become a bit more than I anticipated it would be, which was actually a pleasant surprise - my very second post was about my friend Josie and the importance of finding opportunities to write about life; this has given me a great platform to do just that.

I'm several (many...) days behind on my project and alas, a few entries short; this will be my last of this series.  I left room up front for the possibility that I wouldn't have 30 lessons to document in this way, but it was a project that occupied me for the planned 30 days (fine, 43), even on days when I didn't post.  So I will be kind to myself ( ! ) and consider this a success.

In fact, I have decided to heed this observation of my dear friends, and pay attention to when I might consider that I'm being harder on myself than necessary (but really, isn't it always necessary?  just kidding).  This bit of insight has started seeping into my life in lessons like "it's good enough" and "you picked the wrong one," and I find that as I do cede this outrageous suggestion that I'm occasionally too hard on myself, it gives me a little space to exhale, and refocus my energy on worthy pursuits.

The process of documenting these lessons and observations has drawn me really close to what I appreciate and love about each of those mentioned herein, and has given me an opportunity to know myself a bit better too.  And to maybe consider that I could be a little kinder, more empathetic, more forgiving to my own self.  In some ways, it has given me a new perspective, has allowed me to see things in a new way - something I always appreciate and think is so important.  

There are more lessons to be shared (generosity comes to mind, but there was no way to choose just one friend or family member who demonstrates this to me!), and of course life has many more in store - wisdom and character to be gleaned from those I love and admire.  For those in my life who have blessed me with their love, care, stark honesty, wisdom, and little bits of themselves, who have inspired me, who have been voices of reason in my life, I am deeply thankful.  Each has moved a tiny outpost into a corner of my soul and will always be with me, and for that, I am humbled and truly grateful.