On the series finale of 30 Rock, as the show-inside-a-show, TGS, breaks up and the actors-playing-actors head off their separate ways, Liz reflects on getting thrown together professionally with Tracy and how difficult he has made her life; she then says to him "but because the human heart is not properly connected to the human brain, I love you and I'm gonna miss you."
The heart not properly connected to the brain? What? Oh wait - we already know this. Don't we? I think so. In our brains anyway. But our hearts argue. And confuse us. And betray us. And we think that if the two are not in synch, something is wrong.
But I know Liz is right. In those moments of doubt and uncertainty and confusion, Liz Lemon's voice inside my brain reminds me that it is indeed not properly connected to my heart. That brain decisions will cause heartache and heart decisions will cause brainache. I know this. I know this from experience. So I (try to) go in, eyes open, knowing that either way, there will be consequences. Emotional, financial, professional - there will be consequences.
Sure, the brain should always win in a society that takes success and the measures thereof very seriously, but sometimes it just can't. So when I decide to move to Africa, go back to school, spend my weekends surfing the earth .... my bank account reminds me that these are heart decisions; my brain lost these rounds. Do I hate the fact that I probably have to move when my lease is up? Yep. Does deciding between a brake adjustment for my bike and a haircut feel like a decision I shouldn't have to be making at this point in my life? Absolutely. But I remember that my heart won this time, and the rest of me has to be willing to accept all of what that means.
Maybe somewhere in the future, the two will converge. I'd like to think they will. When heart decisions make brain sense, and brain decisions settle comfortably in my heart. I'm not sure what that will look like or feel like or sound like, but I do hope I get to find out.
Until then, I will shore up reason, and remind myself that the two have proven themselves out of synch, and for now - maybe just for now - making life decisions will mean I have to choose.
*From the 30 Rock episode Grandmentor:
Jack (lamenting that public attention to his wife being held captive in North Korea and forced to marry Kim Jong-un is waning): "Liz, the media have moved on ...."
Liz: (stammers, then fans herself) "Media as a plural noun. Oh my!"
(note to the reader: the line is unfortunately misquoted in this link, but the visual was worth including anyway.)
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