14. Randi: the importance of being true to yourself

Randi doesn't settle. If there is something that isn't sitting right with her, she says so and says no.

Peer pressure? Forget it. Even in high school, Randi knew who she was and had no use for anyone trying to convince her to do something she wasn't already interested in doing. She has immediate visceral reactions (she doesn't need to think about it) to suggestions I might consider in the same situation. "No ... " comes the answer, with closed eyes, pursued lips that betray a hint of a smile, and a slow side-to-side sweep of the head.

It may sound inflexible, but it's not. This is not about flexibility. Randi can flex and accommodate with the best of them. This lesson is about knowing who we are and not betraying what we know.

My favorite movie is Elizabeth, a historical drama about Queen Elizabeth I's rise to power. Early in the story, when she has been summoned by the current queen, her half-sister who hates her, she is uncertain of her fate. Her closest confidant takes her hand in encouragement and whispers in her ear as she's being taken away "Remember who you are."

These could be words from Randi. And they translate into her immutability on things she knows would compromise who she is. We run into these situations all the time, don't we? "Listen, I hope you don't mind if ...."  My default? Well okay, sure, I guess. Which eventually devolves into me regretting the assent and asking "what was I thinking?!" I tend to over-accommodate.  Later, I tend to feel like a doormat. Randi's default, on the other hand, cautions against this. A great apartment with an awkward element I might convince myself I could get used to?  Move on. The less expensive option, that compromises on some features? Not likely. Roommate wants to sublet her room to a stranger while out of town for a couple of weeks? No freaking way.

This strength of belief and knowing who she is, and its manifestation in how she responds to such life questions, is a quality of Randi's I truly admire. As I said, this is not my default, but I'm slowly creeping along in that direction. When I'm presented with options or requests that give me pause, rather than quickly say "sure!" I am learning to take a breath, think through how I really feel about it, and remember who I am in the situation. Oh and also, I remember to call Randi for advice, because when I forget, it's Randi who invariably remembers for me.